(I just found this post…it was in drafts and not published for some reason so I’m going to do that now..man, a lot changes in just a few short weeks)

The drama associated with a wedding. I was informed last night from my ex husband that my son will not be able to attend our wedding. I’m beyond upset. I will feel like my legs are missing if my kids aren’t there.

On top of it small stuff got messed up. Our check to the florist bounced (fun times and stupid banks) and I ordered pictures from Walmart’s online photo center..and they sent them to a store almost 2 hours away. Fucking assholes. So, I have no idea how to get them…did I mention I already paid for them? I emailed and I called. There is nothing I can do about it. So, someday I get to take a drive and go get them.

I’m also getting nervous about this wedding. Only because I’m worried we’re spending all this money on pictures and they’re going to suck ass. I have so much faith in our photographer, it’s just that I’m not the most photogenic person in this world. My nose has a way of ruining pictures (it’s crooked, and noticeably so).

Nick and I were talking yesterday on our way to get $1 hot fudge sundae’s that this summer has flown. He even said “I remember when you told me one morning we had 457 days left until the wedding and we were laughing about how far away it was”. I can’t believe he even thinks about it. Now it’s 27 days away.

None of the dresses are altered, I have a gazillion little details to take care of (hello guest book that’s sat unfinished for 6 mos now), and all but one vendor left to pay.

I was under so much stress for the last couple of months that I was going on 3 mos without a period and couldn’t take a shit for almost 2 weeks. I hate stress, and I’ve never been under so much. Not even when I went through my divorce. I don’t even understand it. I have a secure job (unless I mess up and get my ass canned..which is not on my to do list) we’re making more money than we were a year ago…and I’m more stressed and feel more behind.

I cannot wait for the honeymoon. It means it’s all over and we can get back to life as we know it. Paying bills, hanging out, doing stuff around the house.

Although I did get sick of everything being about past due bills and wedding shit last weekend and we just shut the phones off and did nothing but be lazy and do landscaping in the front of the house. It felt good…okay I’m lying…after lifting 1700 lbs of landscaping bricks and a gazillion bags of mulch I hurt like hell…but it still felt good. We got something done. From beginning to end and still had time to float around in the pool with a bottle of Kalima. It was the best weekend we’ve had in quite some time.

I miss my kids something terrible. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that my son may not be here…that alone is killing me and makes me cry every time I think about it. I’m not all tear-y about the wedding at all…but I’ll really feel like a huge part is missing if Avery ends up not being here.

I only have 14 more work days and I’m off for 21 days…I get paid for 3 of them…but only 3 go unpaid. I love 3 day work weeks and long periods of time off. It’s great. Next summer I’ll only have to take a day or two of vacation time to take the kids to Florida if I time it just right.

I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest, sometimes if I do that then my brain will work a little better at coming up with solutions to my problems. Not sure how to get out of the fact that I don’t have 20 hours in between the wedding and the flight to Hawaii to take Avery back to Tennessee…but I have to try to come up with something.

I also need to stop having so much faith in people that I really know better than to have faith in. It’s really starting to bite me in the ass.